


Animagi and Tuna

by Mersheeple



Series: Hearts&Cauldrons Prompts [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus, Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25094461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple
Summary: Percy Weasley created a Marriage Law for his own nefarious gains. When he was found out, he decided to go into hiding any way he could...
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Series: Hearts&Cauldrons Prompts [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805746
Comments: 10
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oihermione](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oihermione/gifts).



> The prompt was entirely Oi's fault...
> 
> "What if Percy spent half his life carrying around Pettigrew in secret only to go into hiding himself as the Snape's cat for similar circumstances?"
> 
> This is a crack fic. It is NOT meant to be taken seriously.

  
_Scandal At the Ministry!_

_After the repeal of the Marriage Law, heads were bound to roll. No one expected to find that the person who had managed to get the Marriage Law passed was none other than the brother of the first tragic victim of the Law, Percival Weasley._

_His brother, readers are reminded, is Ronald Weasley, one third of the Golden Trio, along with Hermione Snape (nee Granger) and Harry Potter-Malfoy. Ronald Weasley was the only member of the Golden Trio who, at the time of the Marriage Law, was neither married nor engaged and was therefore the only member required by the Law to marry someone of a different blood status._

_Mr Percival Weasley was, apparently, unaware of Mrs Snape’s marital status and was therefore hoping that two thirds of the Golden Trio, his brother and Mrs Snape, would be locked into a Marriage Law based marriage._

_Mr Ronald Weasley, now married to the former Miss Marietta Edgecombe, had this to say regarding his brother’s duplicity. “Perce was always trying to make decisions for other people based on what he thought was right. I hope the git gets what is coming for him. Marietta and I are happy but not everyone was…I hope those that aren’t happy can fix things without any problems. Perce, get your sorry arse back to the Ministry and sort this out will you?”_

_For more on how to appeal Marriages, see page 3_

_For more on this story, including how to report Mr Percival Weasley’s whereabouts, see page 4_

_For annulled marriages, see pages 5-7, 9-13 and 24-27_   


When Percy Weasley had found out that he had been sleeping with a man-rat called Peter Pettigrew for more than five years he had felt two things: horror and intrigue. Horror that he had technically been in bed with a man and his younger, more annoying, brothers may have known. And Intrigue that it was possible to live in one’s Animagus form for so long with no discernible side effects, save a propensity for cheese and following psychotic mad men, though if the stories were to be believed, Pettigrew had always had those particular character flaws.

Percy was not worried about that. He had no character flaws. He was absolutely resolute in his decision, therefore, to become an Animagus. He was sure he would be something strong and noble and proud. He had assumed he would be something like a stallion. Perhaps even something larger like a shire horse. He had not expected to be a scruffy, mangy, rather ugly orange tom cat. He wasn’t even ginger. He was a hideous orange. He knew he looked vaguely like Hermione’s old half-kneazle though he suspected his face was not quite as squashed. Nonetheless, he was far smaller and uglier than he had expected. However, in situations like the one he found himself in right now, this was probably a better look for him than the stallion he had pictured in his daydreams.

Still, it was easier to hide from repercussions if no one could find him. The only law he had ever broken was to remain an unregistered Animagus.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione finds a new friend and feeds him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame oi! I do!

Hermione Snape, nee Granger, was content. Happy even. She and Ron had remained friends, in spite of her choice of husband and his choice of wife. Though it hadn’t been much of a choice considering his options thanks to his duplicitous brother and the cronies at the Ministry. She and Harry and his husband had also stayed friends, or become friends, depending on which of the Malfoy-Potter’s one was discussing.

And with her marriage to Severus Snape, Master of Potions, Master Spy, Master Genius, and all around good guy, she had made some very interesting and influential friends. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy regularly held dinner parties for them. Molly and Arthur Weasley still invited her into their home, regardless of her link to the boys. Minerva McGonagall and Pomona Sprout invited her for drinks every weekend, though she didn’t always accept. Kingsley Shacklebolt would often pop in to consult with Severus on something or other and would always make sure his visit coincided with their dinner on days when Severus was cooking. It was almost as if he knew.

The only thing that made her less than happy was the lack of noise in and around the home that she and Severus had made together. They had made the decision together that they did not want children, and she was content with her fur baby anyway. Crookshanks. She sniffed slightly as she remembered. Crookshanks had been old when she had got him. He had survived the War, just barely, but had not lived much longer after, when she had tried to move him from Hogwarts to Severus’s home. Severus had offered to buy her another cat, any animal she wanted, but she hadn’t wanted an animal that someone chose for her. She wanted an animal that chose her. Just like Crookshanks had.

She missed him. She even missed the sounds of Severus pottering around in the small lab in the basement. She missed everything at the moment. Severus was working at the Apothecary they ran together and, as it was her day off, she was supposed to just relax and have a day for herself. But days like this always felt very very lonely.

She heard a strange noise in the back garden and frowned. It sounded like the foxes were getting in the rubbish bins again. She rolled her eyes, rising from the sofa as she placed the bookmark in her copy of “The Complex Compendium of Enchanted Locations”, intent on shooing off the foxes and hopefully tidying all her rubbish up before the neighbours noticed the mess and wondered how she cleared it up without getting too close. She stepped out into the back garden and approached the bins carefully. The fluffy tail she saw poking out did not look like a fox.

“Here puss puss…” Hermione pursed her lips and made kissy noises at the scraggly orange cat she could see between the two bins. It was obviously not the most intelligent of animals as it…he…seemed to had attacked her recycling bin and her garden waste bin before finally turning his attention to the composting bin which must have smelled revolting, considering it contained mostly potato peelings and scraps of onion and mushrooms from their dinner the night before. She held her arms out to the cat, trying to see if it could potentially be friendly.

“What do you think little man? Shall we get you some tuna?” She walked into the house and opened a tin of tuna that she had in the cupboard from when Crookshanks was still around. She found a shallow saucer and upended the tin, scraping the fish from the sides and using a fork to break it up. The cat approached the door and raised its nose, sniffing, reminding her of someone but she couldn’t think who. She laughed softly, shaking her head as she watched the cat slowly and pretentiously taste the tuna before nibbling at pieces. She boiled the kettle, pouring herself a cup of decaffeinated coffee when she realised it was after two pm. Severus would be home soon and then maybe he would help her decide what to do with their new guest.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is that a furball?

Severus arrived home at exactly three minutes after 3pm. He was as predictable as always. She could keep time by his comings and goings. He pushed open the door and she hurried to his side and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Hello love.” She stood on tiptoe, pulling his lips to hers and kissed him soundly. They did this every time they spent the day apart and it always made Severus smile. It had only been five hours and yet it was like they had been apart for years.

Their new house guest bumped against Hermione’s leg and then started to hack and cough. She looked down at the cat and noticed it looking almost directly up her skirt before it bent strangely, sounding like it was going to hack up a huge furball.

“Oh no! Oh no you don’t!” Severus leapt for the door, ready to throw the cat out out on its arse as the hacking noise expanded.

And then the cat expanded…twisting, rolling, turning, all while coughing and hacking and hissing. The fur receded and what was left was a very naked, very ginger, very blotchy Percival Ignatius Weasley.

“Incarcerus!” Hermione reacted a half second quicker than Severus and the ropes flew from her wand, covering the sensitive parts of the missing Weasley brother at the same time as they bound him. Severus smirked at his very clever little wife.

“He’s been missing for two weeks. What in Merlin’s name is he doing here?”

“I think he might be trying to…disappear like Pettigrew. Except…something stopped him…” Hermione smiled at the Weasley brother. He was gasping for breath, wriggling against the ropes as patches of orange and pink skin seemed to pulse with his heartbeat. Severus laughed softly and watched the boy writhe uncomfortably.

Who ever heard of a cat with a tuna allergy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An allergy to tuna really can have the symptoms here...for both humans and cats...lol


End file.
